| 49. umm. |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|11:25 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
I just got home from dropping Donny off. It's funny the way life works. In one instant, all the happiness, all the pain, all the memories, all your hopes and dreams can be gone. And it ONLY takes 1 second.
As I was merging on the freeway from railroad onto whatever the highway towards Antioch is (yeah, I don't know my highways, FUCK OFF!) the car infront of me was merging HELLA slow. I didn't think much of it because it was hella rainy and dark and some people just can't drive, so I just slowed down, too, because there wasn't much else I could do. I merged and tried to move over a lane. They did the same because they were a car ahead of me. Then out of fucking nowhere this car starts swerving super hard and it starts spinning out of control in my lane and I couldn't switch lanes so I just kept going while trying to slow down without slamming on my breaks because there were other cars behind me, too. About the same time the car finally stopped spinning and ended up on the right-hand shoulder, I had come to a complete stop in the middle of the freeway. The car was facing my direction in the other lane. I was freaking out so bad because, not to sound melodramatic but, I could've been in an accident. I don't think I would have neccessarily died but I don't know, I was just so shaken up that I started crying. I drove away in peace but I was just hysterical and I called Donny and told him what happened and that I loved him. I don't know. It just really made me realize how we don't really have much control over our lives. You could the fucking healthiest person on Earth with all the money and success you want. That doesn't exempt you from death. The reason why I said that life is funny is because right before I left Donny's house, we were talking about how much we loved eachother and I started cryig because I am so scared of love and getting hurt. He said he was a little scared, too, but mostly excited because he really does love me. I told him that he has the rest of his life to prove to me that he loves me by just staying by my side for as long as he can & that I'll prove to him that I love him by making everyday wonderful so he doesn't love me any less and maybe even love me more. Could you imagine? That was almost taken away from me today. As gay as this sounds but I really do think fate was telling me not to be scared of living.
Yeah, I'm gay.
At least I'm alive. |
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| 48. Hyphy Wifey |
[Dec. 6th, 2007|06:22 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | modest mouse "talking shit about a pretty sunset" | ] |
I'm super exausted. I did kind of sleep in but Donny had to be at work at 6:15 so my spidey senses woke me up around 5 (to make sure that he didn't over-sleep) and I stayed up until he went to work. He sort of slept in until 5:45 and it was just so nice to have him hold me for so long.
I wanted to make him breakfast but there wasn't much to make. I put his clothes in the dryer, brought them to him, and played with Yogi for a while because he wouldn't fucking stop meowing. Donny kissed me good-bye and texted me when he got to work. I slept until about 10 something when Donny called on his lunch, layed there until about 11 or 12 or something, then cleaned the house. Vaccuumed, swept, did laundry, put everything in its place, the whole shibang. Donny came home and he brought Cody. We talked for a while. I nagged a bit when Donny walked in and threw his shit on the ground. I feel like a wife. I need a real fucking job.
I made the worst mac and cheese today. Donny told me NOT to follow the box's instructions and gave me his own which proved to be the wrong choice for me because I can't cook for shit. I like exact measurements and precise timing. It sucked.
The weather was wonderful yesterday. I wish I had money. I can't wait to see Donny. We're planning our one year anniversery trip. We're going to Disneyland for three days (hopefully). Fool wants a suite, I said that we definately don't need a suite. He wants it to be perfect. He anticipates this trip to be the trip of his life. I do, too, to be honest. Life is good when Donny's around.
I really wanted to go to that Not-So-Silent Night bull shit or whatever. I NEED to see Modest Mouse. I don't know. Big shows are lame. I never really go to shows anymore. My schedule is all sorts of fucked up for that one.
This weak isn't too shabby. |
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| 29. SINUS. |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|12:58 pm] |
I have a sinus cold. It sucks.
I fight with my boyfriend. It sucks.
I haven't played with my friends. It sucks.
I have a job interview in an hour. It sucks.
I wish it wasn't all rainy. It sucks. |
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